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internship search

I believe my internship search currently looks like this:

 

New Urban Learning (charter school management company) -- applied, interviewed, rejected

 

google internet policy fellowship -- applied, no word, long shot anyway

 

detroit economic growth corporation -- applied, follow up email sent, reply said they're working on it

 

city of detroit planning and development department -- applied, follow up email sent, reply said they're working on it

 

state of michigan -- applied, phone interview tomorrow (supposedly)

 

institute for Women's policy research -- applied, phone interview, told that i would be recommended and hear soon, waiting for final word

 

workforce intelligence network -- applied, they sent me an email saying they had grants to finish and they hadn't forgotten about me.

 

detroit parent network -- friend asked her friend if she was interested in interns, friend said yes, sent resume, no reply (yet)

 

looking at my email out box, that's apparently it. i thought there was more. i wish i had more firm things. :-(

 

but, on the other hand, i am a desirable intern!

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Feb. 17th, 2012


Here is what I did do today: parented soothed and fed Sylvia through the night,
cuddled and slept in with my husband,
went to stats class,
met briefly with my Detroit project group,
went to the dentist for a teeth cleaning (no cavities),
parented Sylvia through two naps,
napped during the second nap,
finished my problem set,
had leftovers for dinner as a family,
put Sylvia to bed,
measured my foot for new shoes (then decided to go try stuff on instead of ordering on the internet),
prepped for longer Detroit project meeting tomorrow,
wrote out a schedule for tomorrow and a tentative one for the weekend, made a list of the assignments for next week,
moved the clutter around on my desk,
castigated myself for getting nothing done,
posted about it on Facebook,
made this list,
and I am going to shower and sleep.

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I reside in my head. Or perhaps I float as a mind above my body, pretending that my body -- it's physical reactions to emotion, it's ability to know in ways that my mind can't -- I pretend that my body doesn't exist.

I struggle mightily with the belief that I'm worthy. Believing that someone will hire me. Believing that I am a good parent to my daughter. That my school work is worthy of my husband giving up his evenings to parenting so I can do homework. That my dreams are worth support.

I am depressed. I am anxious. I was on some powerful medicine, but I really began to feel better when I began a weekly practice of Yoga.

And then my therapist said to me: "You can't be certain of that, but you can be certain of your ability to cope."

I began to be present in my body, and I began to cope -- to keep a bedtime, to drink lots of water, to eat regularly, to journal.

It felt fragile. It felt like selfishness. It felt like all my excuses for being sad and stressed and anxious were being stripped away. It left me responsible for myself and my life. 

And then the powerful medicine was replaced with less powerful medicine. And I began to struggle again.

I have to believe I'm worthy by acting like I'm worthy. By taking care of myself. By coping. When I pray, I move my feet. The only way to transform this is by going through.

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birth story, continued

I think it's fair at this point in the birth story to acknowledge that I always had a sort of intuition that my pregnancy wouldn't go to term.

read more...Collapse )


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Sep. 27th, 2011

I've been trying to write my and Sylvia's birth story again, this time with compassion towards myself and joy at the outcome. I want to post it on my grown-up blog, but I think my inner editor is keeping from making that easy. The whole point of this rewrite is editing, though writing it in WordPress seems to imbue writing performance anxiety instead of the careful word choices I'd like to have in this telling.

story under the cutCollapse )

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