As I was coming back from the Jackson, MI Project Homeless Connect committee meeting yesterday, I started driving with the radio off, which was a great way to quiet my thoughts. I have been feeling overwhelmed with media bombardments recently, and so I just started thinking, letting my mind wander.

On the Feministing community, a trans woman had decided that she was joining the trans person boycott of the website -- far too many people were derailing comments, asking to be educated or refusing to respect the posters and commenters. I was also thinking about the altmuslimah post on how to defend Muslim women. I had also, for a while, watched the deadbrowalking LJ community, interested in their discussion of race in scifi and fantasy, but being afraid to join in, for fear of using my status as a privileged white person.

I recognize that what I am about to do can also be seen as derailing -- it may be seen as a play in the Oppression Olympics, or possibly "But that happens to me, too!" Or even, "Look at how enlightened I am!" But I mean it as a sincere attempt at recognizing my privileged statuses.

I am:

White
Cisgendered
Heterosexual/Cissexual
Married
United States Citizen
Upper Middle Class
Christian (Catholic)
College Educated
Employed
Healthy / Fully Abled
Normal weight/BMI
Health Insured
Literate
Securely Housed
Right Handed

( Which means: )

This is just a beginning, just a note to myself to keep thinking about it. I hope that other anti-racist allies, other opponents of the kyriarchy out there might want to jump in, as well.

Another good link, just because: Help! I've just been called a racist! by dear LJ friend cacophonesque, who I hope doesn't mind that I've linked her.

This is from a pamphlet that I got over a year ago at the St. Johns Student Parish here in EL. It has been in the back of my mind ever since -- I type it up now so that I can recycle the pamphlet and stop worrying about losing it. What follows is something I still meditate on, and, yes, pray about.

From "Renewing the Earth"
A Statement by the US Conference of Catholic Bishops

"At its core, the environmental crisis is a moral challenge. It calls us to examine how we use and share the goods of the earth, what we pass on to future generations, and how we live in harmony with God's creation. The environmental crisis of our day constitutes an exceptional call to conversion. AS individuals, as institutions, as a people, we need a change of heart to save the plant for our children and generations yet unborn. The human family is charged with preserving the beauty, diversity, and integrity of nature, as well as with fostering its productivity. Yet, God alone is sovereign over the whole earth. For believers, our faith is tested by our concern and care for creation."

"Song of the Sun"
Praise be my Lord God
with all creatures; and especially
our brother the sun, which brings
us the day, and the light;
fair is he, and shining with a
very great splendor:
O Lord, he signifies You to us!
-Saint Francis( Read more... )

Last weekend, Tim and I did our registry. It wasn't the first try; it's probably more like the third. The first time was painful, because I was having a hard time articulating my vision for our lives. The last time I just gave in -- I don't like this form of gift giving, but people are going to give us gifts anyway, we might as well give them some guidance as to our tastes and preferences. Tim was amazingly supportive, reminding me of what I wanted in terms of materials (i.e. minimum of plastic and other disposable materials), and we made awesome teamwork that day.

( Twenty-Five Year Goals Based on Values )

First of all, care to take a moment to tell me how I've changed your life? It's a Wonderful Life (meme)

I've been in a strange mood recently where I've been seeking out the spiritual. This will be the third week or so I've wanted to go to Mass, but won't. The first week I didn't have my car. The second week I was working, this week I don't think there will be parking with the MSU craft show going on. Plus we're having a party in our apartment later today, plus I have a paper to rewrite and turn in tomorrow. I think, instead, I'll start an online retreat that I found on cacophonesque's friends page (because I was bored one day and reading my friends' friends pages). Maybe I'll at least learn to pray.

I think I want to become a student of the Catholic Church. I don't agree with a lot of things the Church says about contraception. I don't think we should be legislating against homosexuality and marriage for homosexuals. However, I do agree with the social justice teachings of the church. But all of my reactions are knee-jerk. I want to understand why these decisions and guidelines have been made. I want to understand the mechanics of them -- and make my own decision from there. I don't feel comfortable just waltzing into St. John Student Parish and joining the student group there. I'm going to be a second semester senior, graduating in May. It would be unfair of me to ask them to be friends with me. And I'm afraid they won't understand my struggle to understand and the positions I've taken in the meantime. (That sounds silly now that I've typed it.) But at the same time, I'm afraid to try to learn about the Church without any help or guidance. I think that my knee-jerk will take over, or that I'll become bogged down in the centuries of documents that explain our faith and way of life. I want to read The Theology of the Body, but that's a lot of reading that I'm not sure I'll fully grok by myself.

I'm trying my hardest to get Tim to understand that I feel lost in the Catholic Church, not put out of place by it. I am welcomed there, but I am not sure I welcome it. I want to. I want to welcome it, because I feel like if I gave up being Catholic I would be more lost than ever before. I joke about being a bad Catholic. But it's because I have an idea of how hard it is to be a good Catholic.

Advent starts today. At home, last year, the homily was about longing. I wasn't sure what I longed for last year, I had just gotten home from an amazing study abroad, where I had learned a lot about my vocation and my limits as an employee. I didn't really long for anything then. I know what I long for now. To be engaged, so that we can be married. For security, in the form of a job offer for May. Security in the form of being able to pay my bills. To understand my place within the Catholic community. All of these things, and more I don't really understand.

Maybe I can make a birthday candle advent wreath. It'll chill with Bridget's God-o-meter.