Dear beloved Brothers of Delta Chi, current and alumni friends:

You won't read this letter. Tim will read this letter, and so will Steve Weber, but the majority of you won't, mostly because I'm posting it in a forum where you are not privy. It allows me to be honest, but also to search for understanding and thus be unclear at times. Okay, so facebook decided to add this to my feed.

I was at your First-Friday LAN party. I really enjoy that party, even though I am not a LAN gamer, or even a much of a gamer at all. Part of the reason is that when Tim and I first started dating again about 3 years ago, the first time he brought me to the house was for a summer LAN party. I had a hard time keeping track of all of you, at first. I got better, and for a while there I was fluent in remembering everyone's names. That particular skill has gone by the wayside as more Brothers are initiated before I even have a chance to meet them. No matter, I'm glad you're growing. When you remember to be gentlemen, as is part of the charge of DX, you are a good group of guys. There are things that I would critique you all on, even as I love you: the occasional rape jokes, the racist jokes, the lack of respect for "soft" sciences. But that's not why I'm writing.

At the LAN party, as Tim and I were standing outside in a jovial group, I covered Tim's mouth before he could say something. He was about to speak over me, about to say what I had been saying. I trust and respect every member of that group -- and the action was meant as "But I want to say it" rather than, "Shut up, I'm talking." Tim smiled at the action, glad I was being assertive. The response from you, in form of teasing, was swift and harsh: the onomatopoeia of whips, the suggestion that Tim was no longer in possession of his gonads, and a listing of different ways I could keep him in line.

I understand that teasing is an important part of friendship. I am not asking not to be teased. I like a good joke at my own expense, most of the time. However, teasing has a social function ranging from bonding (which I am sure you were aiming at) to censure and correction of behavior (which is how I perceived it).

I thought we were friends. Knowing we are friends, I am disappointed that you don't realize how much I seek equality in my relationship with Tim. If Tim wants to hang out with his friends, and it doesn't conflict with anything else on the schedule, Tim can hang out with his friends. I won't invent something to keep him from playing with you. And I expect the same courtesy from him. I will not, refuse to be, the wife who believes that she should be her husband's sole companion, that she is the balm that will soothe his work-worn soul.

The truth is, while Tim and I are married, I know that we cannot be each other's "Everything." You, my DX gentlemen, are a huge part of his life. You helped him recover from a bad, bad break up. You were his friends before I came back into his life. I know how excited he gets when it comes to Ritual, and I would be the worst wife ever if I demanded he give you all up -- or worse, orchestrate his subtle removal, by making sure he can never attend, never make it because I "need him", or simply by devaluing his participation and his friendships.

This is why I'm so confused by what happened on Friday. I was so upset by the "whipping" comments because I try so hard to make sure Tim has his freedom -- I heard it as "You're doing it wrong." I want nothing more than Tim to feel completely free in his relationship to me. And I want nothing more than to be respected by you. I don't like girls who keep their boyfriends to themselves; I hate women who tie up their husbands in their suburban fortresses, only let lose to bring home the bacon. If you think those behaviors of me, I don't like me.

I'm not looking for an apology, nor is this a "woe is me." I'm just seeking to grok our relationship -- the relationship between me and the fraternity. Who am I to you? Am I sufficiently geeky enough to be one of you (albeit, always stuck on step 4), as I thought I was before June 20? Or am I merely a wife to be dismissed and marginalized as much as possible in a bid to keep your Brother?

I sincerely hope it is the former rather than the latter.

With much affection,

Kate Ditzler

Dear DPPS, ResLife, Night Recep Program, Operations Management, Facilities Management, Special Events, the Football Program, and the State News (because I might send this letter to the editor):

Why were the dormitories in South Complex not on lock down when I came at 8pm to give change? As the supervisor on duty for the reception desks in south complex for this weekend, I am appalled at the complete lack of security during and after the Michigan/Michigan State game. While we strive to keep an open campus, this past Tuesday there were firecrackers set off in Berkey Hall causing widespread panic. While an open campus is the simplest way to keep things, and while normally our crime rates are low, the Michigan/Michigan State game is special circumstance.

My freshman and sophmore years (I do not know about last year, I was studying abroad) the dorms were locked down completely from Friday at midnight until Sunday at 7am, during the U-M game so that no one could get into the dorms unless they lived there, or they needed to eat in that particular cafeteria. Perhaps it was overkill freshman year, as the game was in Ann Arbor. It was certainly inconvient for the residents, it was expensive for operations. My sophomore year the game was at noon, and it ended before dark. It was a disapointing loss; my friends and I joked about cheering ourselves up with a little bonfire (gallows humor, you understand). This year the game ended disapointingly, in the dark. Extra safety precautions when there are 77,000 people in the stadium -- at least doubling and nearly tripling the on-campus population -- are not unreasonable; the lack of safety precautions are nearly neglegent.

The last two times the football game ended in the dark, there were over 100 people arrested, many times the normal amount of assults and rapes, and general disorder and misconduct. (See State News: http://statenews.com/index.php/article/2007/10/campus_police_active) The game started late, you may argue, the people were more drunk than normal -- I'd argue that the same amount of time was devoted to on-campus tailgating. And to repeat, the game ended in the dark.

During the game, there was a report of a stranger checking all the doors in Holden hall, and then entering any that were unlocked. Shortly after the end of the game, someone in the Residence halls used a chair to smash windows in a study lounge. After the game my desk receptionist began being harassed for not having parking passes, refusing to hold IDs that people borrowed for the student tickets encoded on them, as well as having to feild damage reports and reports of other misconduct. Case and Wonders halls had at least 100 people walking through them, some of them smoking. None of the wing doors were locked. In Holden and Wilson, there were also more people than should have been around -- as well as a long line for Cafeteria Late Night. The court yard and wing doors for Holden and Wilson were locked. The decision was made to shut down late night because of the proximity to the football stadium during the homecoming "night game." Why couldn't the same decision be made again?

While the NR program was modified two years ago so that we would have a better idea of exactly how many visitors were in the building as well as their names and addresses, the usefullness of this proceedure is limited if it's not in place when there are over 40,000 visitors on campus. As I'm writing, I've been in contact with Residence Life staff, who are unaware of how many visitors are in the building, as well as a NR who insisted that nothing should have happened during the game because all visitors should have been signed in.

Even if there is no damage to the buildings (too late), and even if the Residents feel completely safe (not happening), the inconvience and cost of keeping South Complex -- the residence halls closest to the Stadium! Closest to the hords of extra people -- is worth the peace of mind. The possibilities of What Ifs coming true are too costly to contemplate.

Kate Ditzler

Letter to the Managers:

Suzette and Diane --

Today at North Wonders, at approximately 11:30am, a woman came up to check out her daughter and her friend. When I couldn't locate the friend's permission to leave form, I had to call the emergency number, as per the proceedure.

The woman I had to contact was annoyed that I had to call her; she had apparently filled out a permission to leave form. However, I could not find it. I tried to explain that I was just following proceedure, and I was sorry the paper had been left.

When I got off the phone, the woman told me that I was rude. I tried to explain that with the rain and the check out, things had been a bit hectic. She told me that I wouldn't get anywhere in life if I didn't buck up. Unfortunately, I let things escalate and told her that I didn't have to take advice from her. She took my name, saying she was good friends with the head soccer coach -- and when I said that he had nothing to do with my job, she said that he would.

I checked the girls out correctly, just for the record.

So, don't be suprised if someone is contacted about my behavior. I was less than friendly, but I was doing my job. I apologize for this, and it won't happen again.

Kate Ditzler